Whirlpool of agony, lies and pretence

​The forces that denied me love, positivity

And all the good things of a happy human life, 

The forces that became the reason of the torment inflicted on me…

I never spoke of them, 

Never let them escape the rib cage. 

And now when I want to dust and clean the cage for new discoveries to replace history, 

They are afraid of the light… 

Afraid to show me what they have become inside of me.

The more I dig, the more they are playing tricks to consume me,

All tangled up forming a huge lump in my throat

Breaking me down 

And tormenting me with all the lies I kissed and false hope I  watered. 

I run back to pretence,

Each time I am on the verge of destruction, 

Forgetting the screams and the open wounds of my heart 

I left unattended. 

The whirlpool of agony cannot be calmed down.

They deny the truth, 

They don’t want to come out. 

All this time when I never let them escape 

While they jabbed my heart for expression,

I was saving myself from the tsunami,

Of the burns and the fragility of my wounded heart. 

Now I don’t know where to start from. 

I don’t know how to talk to them, 

How to express them..

How to uproot the rotten bouquet rested on my heart

And allow my soul to feel the warmth of life once again. 

I want to free myself of all the tensions and sorrows closing me down,

And sow seeds of sunflower and daisies. 

Silence on the outside 

And turbulence destroying the inside… 

How do I feel love with a burnt down heart? 

How do I rest while I am still at war?