I hate you.
I wish I had never met you
Never returned your smile,
Never looked into your eyes for more.
I sing songs of moving on and falling in love again,
I advice the broken hearts to tear the pages that hold them back
And buy new ones for the old ones were not worth their expression.
But there are times when I cheat myself,
When I sit listening to songs that remind of you,
Alone while no-one’s home
Pouring whiskey to my pain
And tears breakthrough
My arms searching for your embrace
And my soul running all four directions for its long lost home.
I cry. I cry a lot.
But no one pays heed to my distorted sniffs,
No one looks into my pained eyes,
No one consoles me.
I sit and play all the memories of us,
Of the PAST….
The past I claim to have left behind.
The very thought of you makes me cry,
It aches me to think of the moments we shared,
And the moments I dreamt of sharing with you.
They torture me.
They make me cry like there is no end to my misery.
I want to forget you,
Dispose off all the memories
But instead I end up cooking them into little tarts
And eat them one by one,
Relishing all that once I had tasted before with you.
I feel the pain of losing you all over again.
Over and over
Only to never forget the face I had once touched
The lips I had kissed,
The laughter I loved to hear to,
And all of the time we spent together.
I miss you.
I miss you to remember you,
So your lost images never miss a fraction of its beauty to my mind.
I miss you to live all the moments that flood my existence
Only to remember your smiling face
Every time I begin to drown.