Restless, Yet Settling. 

The social flickers don’t ignite me anymore

Those flashy smiles doesn’t alter a single pulse. 

That disco ball diffusing dotted lights on the dance floor

That hype, 

None of it make sense to me any longer. 
My eyes no longer search for clothes and shoes

I don’t cringe when I don’t find my matching bag for school. 

The cooing birds over me don’t bother me for they might poop, 

The dogs guarding their street doesn’t scare me to change my normal loop. 

That impulse when I used to date guys 

That urge to meet them

Those fights with mom

The emotional and mental disharmony that I caused

I regret it all sometimes. 

Have I grown up? 

But what I am sure about is growing up never ends…

I interrogate this sudden realization now

How come have I become so quiet and composed? 

Am I depressed? 

Or is it just me escaping the time to question life? 

Am I dealing with drugs because I am too weak? 

Why do I not feel peace and balance when I am sober and clean? 
The corner room of this house I live in

The bed and dark colour of the room

The books arrived from Amazon kept on the edge of the bed

The messed up headphone, silence and the little creaks.

The empty lanes, twilight and the starless nights-

It soothes my soul. 

The vibration and sounds of social melodrama popping through my phone

Those miles away talks 

I am not fond of it anymore. 

Those humans who were friends before

When did they become strangers to me? 

Why don’t I like faking a smile or two

Why don’t I communicate and hang on to the crew? 
The Lone seat at the back calls me,

Like a friend ready to calm me down. 

The silent night maybe not so holy

But I crave for its company after a tiring day

No calls no messages I don’t look after those files

But I do have some friends to hug 

And some souls those cling to mine. 

I see them everyday 

I laugh and feel their vibes. 

Why didn’t I meet them before? 

Oh yes!  How can I forget, 

I was being sucked by the wrong parasites. 


15 responses to “Restless, Yet Settling. 

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