The social flickers don’t ignite me anymore
Those flashy smiles doesn’t alter a single pulse.
That disco ball diffusing dotted lights on the dance floor
None of it make sense to me any longer.
My eyes no longer search for clothes and shoes
I don’t cringe when I don’t find my matching bag for school.
The cooing birds over me don’t bother me for they might poop,
The dogs guarding their street doesn’t scare me to change my normal loop.
That impulse when I used to date guys
That urge to meet them
Those fights with mom
The emotional and mental disharmony that I caused
I regret it all sometimes.
Have I grown up?
But what I am sure about is growing up never ends…
I interrogate this sudden realization now
How come have I become so quiet and composed?
Am I depressed?
Or is it just me escaping the time to question life?
Am I dealing with drugs because I am too weak?
Why do I not feel peace and balance when I am sober and clean?
The corner room of this house I live in
The bed and dark colour of the room
The books arrived from Amazon kept on the edge of the bed
The messed up headphone, silence and the little creaks.
The empty lanes, twilight and the starless nights-
It soothes my soul.
The vibration and sounds of social melodrama popping through my phone
Those miles away talks
I am not fond of it anymore.
Those humans who were friends before
When did they become strangers to me?
Why don’t I like faking a smile or two
Why don’t I communicate and hang on to the crew?
The Lone seat at the back calls me,
Like a friend ready to calm me down.
The silent night maybe not so holy
But I crave for its company after a tiring day
No calls no messages I don’t look after those files
But I do have some friends to hug
And some souls those cling to mine.
I see them everyday
I laugh and feel their vibes.
Why didn’t I meet them before?
Oh yes! How can I forget,
I was being sucked by the wrong parasites.