My journey in search of Me

​I spent nights crawling 

 Working hard. 

Sips after sips of caffeine 

Smokes after smokes

Tears after tears

Sniffs after sniffs. 

I thought of all the frivolous things to keep my head busy

To not visit the door and ponder on the thoughts of your departure 

To not mourn and try to hurt myself,

To not try to follow your smell. 

I tied myself to solitude 

I stopped brushing my hair

Shaping my nails.

My skin was drying up

Cracking

But all I cared of were tissues to dampen. 

I stopped talking 

I started praying

Offering prayers

Crying. 

Asking the old question to the lord

Why me everytime? 

Prayers unanswered 

I drowned. 

I drowned in my own sorrow

It choked me

I couldn’t breathe. 

I was lost in the ring of despair. 

I had boarded the train to nowhere. 

I had to stop

I had to take a shower

And breathe. 

I had to pray

I had to believe. 

And I sat on my own for ages it seemed

Interrogating myself

Searching for answers underneath.

I took up journeys,

Unknown of the destination.

I met people who smiled to me. 

I laughed with the monks 

Who take care of the little things.

I fell down 

Dusted myself up 

And smelled in the breeze. 

And I learnt to let go. 

I learnt about things that happened to me

That I never gave a thought to before. 

I learnt to smile

Take care of myself,

I learnt to hope, believe.

And on the way down to where I thought was the end,

I found myself back again

Laughing, giggling

With vibes I was born with. 

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15 responses to “My journey in search of Me

  1. Woah!!! I started crying in the middle, was feeling bad!!! And then all of sudden, wow and I smiled with teary eyes…..
    Such a beautiful poem about coming of age…….
    You sure know how to write soul warming poems……

    Liked by 1 person

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