Cold thoughts

I think i have become Inhuman….
More like a person with a stoned heart. I dont feel love for anybody now.
Love reminds me of all the pain i suffered. Love reminds me of him…. The person who left when i begged him not to…the person who knew how broken i was before him and how hard it had been for me think about love again.
He knew how madly i loved him… He knew i needed him at every step of my life. He knew i couldn’t survive without him. He knew it all. He said i was wrong, and that i would move on and forget him. Thats all he said and left.

I actually thought i would die! But i am still breathing. Yep! I am very much still alive…
But differences can be very well spotted in me.
As i mentioned, i have become more inhuman these days. Like a heartless monster. Much more arrogant… Much more quiet and selfish. I give a damn to what people make out of my actions and reactions. I dont feel love for anyone. Not even my family. I hate people, every single person around me…
Life is more like cold hard maths.
I love it when i stay busy. Away from the thoughts my mind keeps playing with all the time, away from his thoughts.
Well, he was wrong. My days are passing by, i am still breathing, still waking up every morning, working, following the routine but there is no life in it. More like a robot assigned to perform various tasks. I miss him. I still do. deep down in my heart its him. I say i hate love but i dont. I love him but he doesn’t anymore. Unlucky me! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Nevermind, its not bad this way…
Life is normal. But yes, it is empty without him.
The hallow space aches, it longs for him but i resist. Can’t force a person into me and lock him inΒ  Cage. Isn’t it?Β Β  😐
I am stronger than yesterday now. I don’t feel the need of a Companion. Or i must say, i dont feel the need of anyone else if not him in my life.
I wish he comes back oneday and hugs me tight… Tells me that he is mine and i am his girl. I wish…oh i so wish! 😣
Fuck! Again i am writing shits about longing and him.
I should probablyΒ  stop typing now.
I shall not let that part of me take the stage.

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22 responses to “Cold thoughts

  1. Great post. You did rant and did kept harping on a couple of same points but that’s how post-heartbreak days are when cohesion of thoughts and clarity of words isn’t necessarily the mental priority. Keep letting it out. All the best. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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