Cold thoughts

I think i have become Inhuman….
More like a person with a stoned heart. I dont feel love for anybody now.
Love reminds me of all the pain i suffered. Love reminds me of him…. The person who left when i begged him not to…the person who knew how broken i was before him and how hard it had been for me think about love again.
He knew how madly i loved him… He knew i needed him at every step of my life. He knew i couldn’t survive without him. He knew it all. He said i was wrong, and that i would move on and forget him. Thats all he said and left.

I actually thought i would die! But i am still breathing. Yep! I am very much still alive…
But differences can be very well spotted in me.
As i mentioned, i have become more inhuman these days. Like a heartless monster. Much more arrogant… Much more quiet and selfish. I give a damn to what people make out of my actions and reactions. I dont feel love for anyone. Not even my family. I hate people, every single person around me…
Life is more like cold hard maths.
I love it when i stay busy. Away from the thoughts my mind keeps playing with all the time, away from his thoughts.
Well, he was wrong. My days are passing by, i am still breathing, still waking up every morning, working, following the routine but there is no life in it. More like a robot assigned to perform various tasks. I miss him. I still do. deep down in my heart its him. I say i hate love but i dont. I love him but he doesn’t anymore. Unlucky me! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Nevermind, its not bad this way…
Life is normal. But yes, it is empty without him.
The hallow space aches, it longs for him but i resist. Can’t force a person into me and lock him inΒ  Cage. Isn’t it?Β Β  😐
I am stronger than yesterday now. I don’t feel the need of a Companion. Or i must say, i dont feel the need of anyone else if not him in my life.
I wish he comes back oneday and hugs me tight… Tells me that he is mine and i am his girl. I wish…oh i so wish! 😣
Fuck! Again i am writing shits about longing and him.
I should probablyΒ  stop typing now.
I shall not let that part of me take the stage.

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22 thoughts on “Cold thoughts

  1. Great post. You did rant and did kept harping on a couple of same points but that’s how post-heartbreak days are when cohesion of thoughts and clarity of words isn’t necessarily the mental priority. Keep letting it out. All the best. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When u r heart broken, u keep thinking about the same thing all the time. Those moments keep repeating in your mind. And that’s how this post came up. I just typed what i was saying to myself in my loneliness.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I gathered as much from the post. Nothing I say now will soothe you or lessen your pain but as you wrote yourself, getting immersed in work is a good way to deal with the pain in the short term. In the long term though, I think something or the other will come up. Try taking up some activity or sports too. They help immensely. All the time you’d be playing, your mind will stay occupied with the added benefit of health.
        Hope you get back to your best. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

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