Afraid To Love…

He keeps on rowing back,
Even if I bewitch the wind to take him far away.
Our thoughts collide, we fight and quarrel,
But the sun shines bright only when in my dark heart he dwells.
His Cupid arrows pull me back, even though I try to retreat,
With open arms he wins me back, kiddish and stubborn he is.
I need him to shield me, be the other part of my soul…
Control me, mould me, make me feel whole.
A side of me fancies him while the other blows him away,
I keep my eyes on him, stalk him… from night till day.
Still not sure of my actions, I am muddled with myself,
Petrified of my past, I m afraid to step ahead.
A fucking retard I m, I want him but scared to let him come close…
I got all wilds in my garden, but nothing red or a single rose.
With every poisonous words of mine… I snatch away the smile from his face,
Haplessly stirred up is my life, I am at war with myself.